D/s question

Does one's success at their profession or career ever factor into your role in a D/s relationship?

Limits

Within the D/s lifestyle, it is common for a submissive to have limits. Now, limits can range from soft to hard. Normally as a Dominant and submissive are getting to know each other, they bring up or discuss things they enjoy or hate. I suppose through the years I've made a list here or there to share with a Dom.

A submissive always has an opt out or safe word. Personally, as a submissive I want to please my Master. I don't want to second guess myself or to disappoint my Dom. Usually the Dom over time will push the submissive's limits or test them. On several occasions through the years, I've been reminded to not think, just obey and feel.

How do we deal with having our limits pushed? What if we find ourselves just obeying and a Dom crosses over a hard limit? Does it destroy the relationship? Does the trust go out the window?

Even a discussion at times has been known to make me squirm in my seat because I didn't know if I could handle the task that may or may not be asked of me one day. I'm sure morals and up bringing play a big factor at times when a hard limit is being approached or favored by the Dom.

I question if over time those fears begin to diminish as comfort sets in within a D/s relationship. I'm sure trust factors in leaving only tiny butterflies that appear when such a subject is mentioned in passing.

Not sure that I did this topic any justice, but it's been on my mind for a few days. I have a feeling that I will revisit it soon.

Thanks!

You sure know how to make a kitten feel great! I sincerely want to welcome the new readers/followers, as well as, say thank you to all who leave those wonderful comments because they are so appreciated! I love you guys and gals! I know that I do a sucky job acknowledging these days, but please know how happy you make me when I read your messages. I savor each and every one of them :-)

OK, so we all know that I have a very complicated life, and that I've been really trying to simplify my life. However, we know that habits are hard to break. My habit and addiction just happens to be men! I just can't help myself. I swear that I will slow down and live a calmer relaxed life, but I'm a work in progress....

Where to begin? Handyman made wild passionate love to me in front of the fireplace Friday afternoon. I can't tell you how many pleasurable orgasms that I had, but I sure did enjoy my visit with him. Psst, I have a confession to make. Somewhere toward the end of our visit while he was down between my legs licking, finger fucking, and sucking, I started to cry. It was a cry of sorrow because I had allowed myself to open up to this man. I have never in my whole entire life found such pleasure with another human or felt like myself. I felt sadness and regret because he tells me over and over how good I am, yet he only wants kitten as a friend and lover. As I look back over the past 11 months where he has been apart of my life, I suppose that he had a few qualities that were not exactly in my plus column, but I chose at the time to ignore them storing them away because I thought just maybe I could fix his flaws. As my past experiences have taught me, you can not change another person. A life lesson pulled from memory that it might be time to walk away from him and let go of those feelings before I get hurt.

I could tell that Mr. Vanilla was getting impatient with me because I wasn't giving him much attention over the long holiday weekend. I agreed to meet him Friday evening at his friend's house for a date night, however in the back of my mind I was trying to think of a way out of it. We were supposed to have this great sex that I've been bitching about for weeks, yet I suddenly found myself not wanting it. I was thrilled and relieved when he told me that we would need to reschedule due to a family emergency. Please note: I don't want to see another person ill or harmed in order to get me out of having to go on a date or to perform intimately.... I just don't think that Mr. V is the man for me. He seriously needs to grow-up and be an independent man who can stand on his own two feet.

I broke down and agreed to meet the Fireman on Saturday for a quick cup of coffee and see if there was any chemistry between us. Let's just say that the photo he shared with me, and the guy who showed up for a face to face didn't appear to be the same guy. Let me explain.. the physical man was about twice the size of the man in the picture. I am not perfect so I pushed the weight issue to the side and tried to get to know him. He wasn't on duty but insisted on carrying his radio with him and brought along a collection of pictures and written letters which would add value. I'm honestly just one of those simple people who are laid back. I felt a little put off by the bragging. I did my best to focus on his pretty hazel eyes and great hair. However, my eyes kept drifting to his teeth. I've got a weird thing about teeth. Once again, I tried to focus and find what exactly I had first thought made this guy desirable to me. He made me read some of the text messages we shared then commented on how naughty I was and how much he was turned on. He kissed me, and he was a good kisser. As I was climbing into my SUV, he felt my ass then pressed his hard erection against me. He told me that I'm beautiful. He appears to be knowledgeable in the D/s area some, but he wishes to submit to me. Once again, thinking not a good fit for me...

I met up with a young chef/restaurant owner Saturday night for a glass of wine. After I entered his restaurant, he hugged me tightly and somehow we ended up in a passionate kiss. We chatted as we sipped our wine. It didn't take long before we found ourselves wrapped in each other's arms and making out like life depended on it. The next thing I knew we were laying on the floor naked and fucking. Let's just say that today I have beard burn on my poor face, hickeys all over my neck, and a sore body from the hard floor. I had to run out and purchase a few new turtlenecks to help me make it through the work week.

Last but not least, I had a crazy idea to post an ad for a dominate male who wanted a real relationship. I panicked and quickly removed it, but not before Ty emailed me. We've been chatting and talking on the phone. We work in the same career field, both divorced, and each have 2 kids. He almost appears too good to be true! I told him that I'm not currently monogamous and honestly wasn't sure I could be. We appear to have many things in common. I'm looking forward to getting to know him. Cross your fingers for me!

Do you swallow? Re-post from June 5, 2009 (old blog)

After my marriage ended I can't tell you how many times while getting to know someone that they would ask if I swallowed. At first I was slightly shocked that someone would ask such an intimate personal question of me considering that we were not even to the intimate step. Then as time went on I noticed that it was a very common question of the men that I was getting to know and possibly date.

Perhaps that question rates very high on the male scale of is she worth my time and will she blow me? Honestly, I don't know what men are thinking. If I could read their minds and completely have a clear understanding then maybe it would not be as fun. Sure, it is frustrating at times trying to figure out the opposite sex, but it's definitely worth the sleepless nights ;-)

Over time when the whole swallowing question would come into play I might answer their question with a question. It only seems fair in most cases that if I felt they were worthy of my time and attention considering that I felt the connection for intimacy would they also give oral pleasure (like they were starving to death & it was the most delicious feast they ever had.. WEG).

My thought provoking question of the day is...... Do you swallow? Do you expect it?

Thanksgiving

I had a little talk with Mr. Vanilla regarding his lack of attention yesterday when he visited me. I am pretty sure he sensed something was wrong with me because I was quiet all evening after he left my house. I didn’t make any attempt to communicate until I finally responded to his text message after I had a couple glasses of wine. I questioned if he was attracted to me and if I aroused him. I mean for goodness sake, I am so used to being wanted and hearing it, that lack of words and action hurt or affect me. Mr. Vanilla told me that he was indeed attracted and aroused by me, however he just wasn’t comfortable being aggressive in my home with my son upstairs playing XBOX. Once again, I must remind myself that he isn’t like the other men in my life, and perhaps as some of you suggested, he might be a good guy who isn’t trying to always get into my panties. I will give him some credit then for the time being, however if things do not pick up soon and fast, I will have to cut him loose. Please note that Mr. Vanilla and I have fucked already. We shared an evening in my SUV, and also an evening in my bed when the kids were gone for the night. He is well aware that I love sex. It is because we have already shared pleasure that seems odd to me. Also, we seldom have privacy because of our living situations.

I am expecting some family to arrive for the Thanksgiving holiday, so I will probably be quiet for a few days, then I’ll be right back to post, read, and comment. I sincerely wish you all a blessed holiday.

While I am on the subject of Thanksgiving, I would like to share some things that I’m thankful for in my life: my children, family, Master, lovers, friends (including online), my job, my health, my SUV, my home, utilities such as gas, electricity, water… , books, technology, my bed, plus so much more….. Often we take so much for granted.

Love,
kitten

WTF??

How do you take a submissive kitten and pair her up with a vanilla man? I believe that I've been dating Mr. Vanilla for well over a month now. I actually invited him to my house this evening after work for a little visit when the kids were out and busy with activities thinking we might get our freak on. WRONG!!!! WTF??? We made ham and cheese sandwiches then sat in front of the television like some innocent boring couple. There are still a few silent moments that cause me to feel uncomfortable. I keep thinking that this is normal and will go away, but I can't get over the fact that he isn't trying to fuck my brains out or attempting to finger my pussy. He didn't even ask for a blow job or place my hand on his cock. I honestly don't know what to think of Mr. Vanilla. We've been dating a few times per week. I've even given hints that I desire some intimate touches. He does place his arm around me and holds hands with little kisses here and there, even in public.

I haven't fuck in almost 2 weeks since Master visited. I have been masturbating here and there before bed just out of habit or because I tell myself I need to remain ready for use. Master is busy preparing for out of town company and did have me all aroused yesterday evening for a few hours.

I might break down and visit with Handyman this weekend. At least he will want to push all my buttons and search for a few new ones.

Beautifully Broken

As a young girl, I knew that I was different than my other friends. I grew up in a Christian home where I attended church weekly, and I was taught that good girls behaved a certain way. You must understand that as a young girl, I had submissive thoughts and behaviors. There was always some type of lesson or informational discussion centered around me and my older sisters. I pushed and hid away all the submissive feelings that were apart of me. I was raised to be a strong independent woman. I recall my mother telling me to never place myself in a situation where I had to depend on some man. I wasn't blind and knew that my parent's marriage wasn't the happiest most times. Looking back over the years, I am certain that my mother was unhappy and felt trapped in her marriage. My father had a drinking problem and was a huge burden on my mother. My parents married young in life. I know that they loved each other, but imagine that over time their relationship took on more of a love/hate meaning.

I met the man whom I would marry when I was a senior in high school. He was a football hero with a college football scholarship. He had a promising future and appeared to come from a good family. After I graduated from high school, I spent most of the summer working and spending time falling in love. As the summer ended, it was time to pack up my bags and fly to the other side of the country to attend college while he remained in our home state getting his education. Against my father's wishes and with my mother's support I returned home. Shortly after, he also transferred to the same college I was attending. We were together daily and with my mother's encouragement I took on a part-time job in the early evenings so that I could manage my education along with earning a few wages.

After graduating from college we moved to the city where we could start our careers. We made a home for ourselves then planned our wedding with our family shortly after. Shortly before our second child was to be born we had a beautiful home built, and we were on our way to carrying out our story book life. Anyone looking in from the outside would have thought we were the perfect family with goals and living the good life until little signs began to appear indicating that something wasn't quite right with my husband. I began finding myself walking on egg shells whenever I was around him. He would pick fights and then leave the house. Suddenly, our bank account was getting smaller. The credit card bills were getting bigger. The phone began to ring more often with a courtesy call by a bill collector insuring that everything was fine and perhaps something got lost in the mail.

Months later at the request of his boss, my husband went into rehab. That was his ticket for job security, but somehow the ticket got blown away by the winds of change. Suddenly we found ourselves living on one income and struggling. I never felt more alone, depressed, scared, sad, and mad in my entire life. He would begin a new job only to find himself unemployed a few months down the road.

I sought help and counsel only to find myself even more alone. A handsome single man began giving me attention at the office. I thought that perhaps he was just being kind to the unhappily married woman who was walking around with the weight of the world on her shoulders. I refused to allow myself to cheat. I remained strong and stood by my husband even though over time the man who I trusted and had promised to live the rest of my life with in good times and in bad, plus all the sickness and health... blah blah blah...

Let's just say that after three trips to rehab and several jobs here and there, I was fed up. I could not enable this man or accept to live as his wife. He was warned many times that I couldn't stay in a marriage where I was so alone and unappreciated.

Many times over the years I had tried to discuss my submissive feelings only to be misunderstood. I locked them away.

After filing for divorce and moving out with the children, I had never felt more free in my entire life. It was a wonderful feeling. A friend suggested that I get myself back into the dating game. It was a little bumpy at first trying to adjust and cope being a single woman again. Things certainly had changed over the years and dating was a whole new ball game. After a guy here and there I met the man who unlocked the closet where I had stored away my submissive desires. After several months I learned that he secretly was also an alcoholic who lied to me about his drinking problem. I was very open and honest that I could not handle another relationship with someone who suffered with an addiction issue. My heart was broken, but I picked up the pieces and moved on.

Sitting here years later and looking back at the past two years of my life I've had many men in and out of my life. I suppose that I began to keep myself distanced. I sought out men who I thought might be able to satisfy my empty spot. Yet, none did.

Then, I met Motorcycle Daddy. It was as if my soul mate had finally appeared. Only it turned out that he was already committed to someone and had begun to raise a family. I had to think long and hard if I could continue a relationship with him. Looking back at things I decided that since I felt that I needed to distance myself from everyone else that he would never try to marry me or move into my home. After many months I enjoyed having him in my life, but the long distance relationship and the empty bed every night found me lonely and needing more...

My mother was dying, and Handyman entered my life. He was also lonely and going thru a terrible divorce. Before long I found myself enjoying the friendship and the intimacy. In the back of my mind I questioned if over time he might become my Master. Sure, he began using the term here and there, but he was not one who needed to communicate daily. The fact that he was a swinger left the door open for me to pursue other lovers and to play with some of my lifestyle friends. I was honest with Motorcycle Daddy about him and was encouraged to date him to fill the emptiness in my life.

I honestly never thought that I would allow myself to be involved with a married man. I never imagined that I would have more than one lover in my life at a time. Yes, it feels wonderful to have so many options and to be desired. I suppose that each of the various men have a quality that I seek. It's almost that if I could take this from Motorcycle Daddy, and that from Handyman, then a dash of T, plus a few drops of young hottie that I might just find myself with the man of my dreams.

I have been mentioning my exhaustion. I am growing tired of it all. I do truly desire to share my life with one wonderful man. I have made up my mind that I am not going to get involved with anyone else who is already in a relationship or has a spouse. For now, Master will remain in my life.

I am going to focus on getting to know Mr. Vanilla. Perhaps in time, I will know that I'm ready to build a monogamous relationship and allow myself to call him my boyfriend. Time will tell...

I suppose you might say that I am beautifully broken, but you just wait and see that over time I will grow wiser and my heart will heal. I will allow myself to trust again. I'm having faith that there is an educated single male out there with a dominate kinky streak just waiting to love me and call me his own.